Newborn Photography | Skylar Howarth
“All the stars in the universe danced on the day you were born….” – Unknown
For those who don’t know, a rainbow baby is a child who is born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant/child loss — the rainbow after the storm. Newborn Skylar is a Rainbow Baby and I found this letter to the parents of a rainbow…
“Dear Rainbow Mom & Dad,
Congratulations on your newborn baby! I know how hard it was to announce this baby, the complicated mix of jubilation and guilt. You want to be excited about this new life, but you want to be respectful toward the life who is no longer here.
This is the tightrope you’ll walk down for the rest of your life, but it will get easier.
It’s OK to be afraid. It’s OK to take it day-to-day. It’s even OK if you’re not excited. You’ve learned, in the worst possible way, that nothing in life is guaranteed. But it’s also OK to have hope, and make plans. Yes, the baby deserves that, but so do you.
A baby after loss is scary. Be kind to yourself. Accept help when it is offered, and ask for it when you need it, even if it seems outlandish.
There will, of course, be people who assume that with the arrival of a newborn baby, you are “better.” They won’t get why you’re “still sad.” There will be others who think you’re a terrible person for daring to go forward with your life, as if having another baby means you’re replacing the one who is gone. These people will never understand.
Aren’t they lucky? Ignore them.
Life can still be good (even great) after unthinkable loss.
Every day, you will be able to breathe a little bit deeper. Every day, you’ll love your babies — all of them — just a little bit more, until one day, that love overtakes the pain.
Congratulations on your beautiful rainbow.”
(Extracts from Huffington Post – To the mother of a rainbow baby)
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Why was I so desperate to have a natural birth?
Yes, it would have been a most empowering experience for me and yes my next one will be a VBAC, but was it really that important in the bigger scheme of things? At the end of it all we got what we set out to achieve – a human being that we could guide and mould and set free into the world for her to make her own impact. Maybe that trauma she and I both endured in getting her Earthside happened exactly how it was supposed to. That’s birth and even more so parenting – you set off on a course with big plans and that’s great, but there has to be flexibility and acceptance in changing course depending on whatever life (or your kid) throws at you.
After a minute or so we heard your first loud cry. It was glorious and we could finally breathe. Sr Lotter brought you to us and our hearts melted, my boy. You were beautiful. We checked for 10 fingers and 10 toes and we couldn’t stop looking at you. The happiest moment of our lives. You were born at 11:33 weighing 3.49kg and measuring 53cm.